Day 4 Despair

I didn't have surgery yesterday. My ankle is too swollen. If they do surgery now, the skin may not heal correctly, and then, as Dr. Goldman said, a manageable problem could turn into a very difficult situation. 

So he scheduled my surgery for NEXT FRIDAY, ten days from now. Oh it sucks. It sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks. 

10 days of sitting on my ass. 10 days of not healing. 10 days till they cut into me and then another month to heal from the surgery. 

Morbid fears:

Gangrene

Not being able to walk again ever

Amputation. Prosthesis.

Surgery hurts bad.

Vicodin addiction.

Constipation.

Marriage is ruined by stress.

This room is stifling. 

This room is freezing. 

Need:

ice

clipboard

garbage receptacle

sage smudge stick

the ability to write

student loan paperwork

teething ring. 

Wonder:

Is my writing practice broken?

How do I keep from going insane?

-1. Don't smoke crack. 

-2. Talk to husband

-3. ?

And I won't walk unassisted for three whole months.

I've got to get out of this room.